I invite you to listen to the soothing sounds of ‘Healing Waters’ by Dean Evenson as you explore Gracehaven By The Sea. A Music Player is at the bottom of the page. Enjoy!
Recently, someone sent me a rather caustic note in reply to a lengthy message I had sent. It began with the statement: “You should have been a writer.” Those six words got my attention. They caused me to pause. They broke me wide open.
“But, I am a writer,” I said to myself. I think that perhaps, I have always thought of myself as a writer. It just seems writing has always been a part of who I am. I have an entire bookcase filled with personal journals that I have written my thoughts, ponderings, and dreams in year after year. Even as a young girl I enjoyed writing stories, thoughts and ideas in spiral ring notebooks that are there on the shelves with the others. Over the years, my daily Gratitude Journals, and the journals filled with my “Morning Pages,” have added to the weight on those shelves.
Putting pen to paper has always been a way for me to silence the chaotic, noisy chatter in my mind. Writing is a way for me to became quiet enough, and still enough, that I can begin to hear the gentle nudging whispers of my soul. Often, it is only in the writing of things, one word after another, that I can tease out the answers to difficult questions or decisions I might be considering.
“Well, you just don’t know me well enough to know that I am a writer,” I began to rationalize. And then… there it was. Loud and clear. A direct hit to my stomach. That forever, queasy, nauseating, vulnerable, feeling: the fear of letting people know me… “well enough.”
It was in that moment that this blog got its wings.
In that moment, came the absolute certainty that the time had finally come to set aside my fear of really being seen; my dread and trepidation of allowing others to get to know me “well enough.” It was time to let go of my fear of disapproval and rejection, and most especially, it was time to release my fear of failing. It was time to “make the choice to let my true self be seen.”
For years, friends have encouraged me to share my writing, to write a blog, or to even write a book; to write my story. I have files filled with ideas, outlines, beginning chapters of books, and even initial pages of book proposals. On my computer are several short stories and magazine articles I planned to complete and submit… someday. However that vulnerable, cellular level, bone deep fear of really being seen by the world, has always prevented me from following through.
As I release the fears of the past that have hindered me from living and sharing my life authentically, I am thrilled and excited to share my journey with you here in the pages of Gracehaven By The Sea. To those of you who have encouraged me over the years to “write my story,” I thank you. The day has arrived for me to fully show up in my life, and be seen. I do so, with peace of mind and a feeling of serene grace in my heart, fully aware that… I have absolutely no control of the outcome whatsoever.
I am so pleased you have joined me here for this wild and crazy ride. Buckle up! I am certain we are about to embark on quite the adventure!
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